Arkanscott.
Meet Us.
Jennifer.
Mama. I have a problem with shopping. Night crier. Home decorating. Nacho cheese takes everything up a notch. Not afraid to love Britney Spears. Trying to own all the paper products in the world.
Nathan.
Wild man. Runs on tip toes. Into choo choos and trash trucks. Might miss something when he's asleep. Thomas is everything. Enjoys long walks. Are fruit snacks in the food pyramid? There is no one cuter.
Brian.
Daddy. Cleans his cleaning products. Works for the red roof. Should be in a rock band. Solves all family problems. Drinks way more creamer than coffee. Will be playing Xbox when he's 80.
Archives.
Monday, October 27, 2014, 9:28 AM
It was a dark day last week.
It was late at night and I was leaving the next morning for a drive to KC. I had asked Brian to burn me an Avett Brothers CD, so that I could listen in the car. It had been a busy day, so that night, he just offered to put the music on my iPhone and I could drive his car and listen through his AV jack. Royals were on, and thank God, winning. He came back upstairs and handed me my phone. I noticed the background of my screen was an old picture I had used and ohbytheway, all of my icons were old games and things I hadn't used in a long time. And then the blood began to boil from my big toes up to the ends of my hair. My phone had been restored to how it was in August. And if you're playing along at home, that means all pictures, text, anything at all, was erased up until August. Sweet.
To say I was pissed might have been putting it lightly. Lightly. Good word because I wanted to light my house on fire.
All my pictures of Nathan from our family visit to the pumpkin patch were gone-zo. My most favorite picture of him next to a giant leaf in the Bentonville Square, erased. If there would have been a puppy dog around to punch, I would have.
I called Apple the next morning and apparently when the new phone was plugged in to my computer, the computer didn't recognize it, so it restored it to the last time I plugged it in. Cool. Thanks. So, after a big swallow, I decided to move past it and ask Brian to be in my life again.
Thanks to people texting me back pictures, I can show you a few. We went with our neighbors. Here is Nate Dogg with Miss Ashley. She's the only one who can boss him around and he will do everything she says. And I like that.
And here are the two carrying pumpkins off into the distance. Makes my uterus want to explode.
And here is me and Naters, making that pumpkin patch look good..
And my beautiful boy. Kind of looks like that hot farmer from the Bachelorette.
So, in an effort to recreate all of my glorious fall pictures for Nathan's life story, I decided to be super mom and take him back to another local pumpkin patch and re-create the magic.
After immediate arrival, we rode a pony.
Then took quick picture, thanks to nice lady by corn maze.
Then went directly over to the giant box of corn we have been talking about since he was born.
Then Nathan barfed all over the entire corn box and outside some too. (Memories.)
Monday, October 13, 2014, 11:44 AM
Ah, Monday, we meet again.
I went this past weekend to see Mama Mia in Kansas City with my family. Also ate a pretzel-bun double cheeseburger immediately after. The Royals are winning and Nathan is trying to set the world record for consecutive wake-ups in a night, which requires me to make ninja-like matrix moves after I leave his bed.
But then Pilot Nathan comes around the corner while I'm eating an entire row of homemade rice krispie treats, and I don't care if ever goes to bed again. I love him so.
Let's take a little look-see at some of the Halloween decor I put up this year. It's not going to win any awards, but it makes me happy and makes me question whether certain decorations are haunting Nathan's dreams, all at the same time.
Here's a little corner on our bookshelf that will make you think I'm a Halloween hoarder:
Here's a cute little number that is probably for sure why Nathan can't sleep like a normal person:
And I mean, if this little mantle doesn't just dance into your heart, then there's something wrong with you.
Yep, really creepy. But the glitter helps out.
A little entry-way magic. (I'd also like to mate with that lamp.)
And meet Mr. Bones. Nathan like it when I jiggle his elbow and make him dance. He also says good morning and goodnight to him. And says that Mr. Bones wakes him up sometimes. Whoops.
And that's that. I definitely have simplified my holiday decor lately. It's easier and I don't die of stress. Now, onto making Nathan's Halloween costume. He wants to be a TRASH TRUCK. I can see this going very badly.
Monday, October 6, 2014, 11:44 AM
Let's have a little chat-a-roo where I can explain the long and painful blog absence. I think it can essentially be summed up into three fun categories.
1.) Nathan is a tiny party boy.
I know, I know. The twos are terrible and I have a boy. But put them together and it's like the equivalent of being directly in a tornado that's circulating angry cats who want to eat your face off. And you can never go to the bathroom, because then your house burns down. Yesterday, he woke up at 3am and then ready to start the day at 5am. Just raring to go, Mom you better put on Curious George before I turn into the child hiding behind the washing machine in the movie The Ring. He's only got one speed and it's MAX WARP and he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I want to unload the dishwasher without him using it as a small ladder in order to climb up and pump out all my hand soap. Some days I feel defeated. Specifically lately, when he has discovered that pee pee, poo poo, and diarrhea are all fun words to scream until our eyeballs pop out, in a public place. I like to think of this time as me, participating in an intense program where at the end of this nightmare, I will receive my doctorate in patience. And I will be able to shower regularly again.
2.) My stomach began to try to climb out of my body and kill me.
Oh, then my stomach decided to host a Civil War inside of my body. All of the sudden I had daily bouts of I WANNA BARF MY BRAINS OUT and LETS MAKE YOU REALLY DIZZY AND TRY TO DRIVE. Now I know what you think. No, not pregnant. Please see bullet point one on this list. Any way, these feelings paired with my gift of supreme anxiety, made for a nice little three months that ended in a stomach scope. Parents came in, I got an IV by a doctor who looked like he was Nathan's age, and down went the scope into my body. Assuming they would find the worlds largest tumor (or collection of chewed up doughnuts), I was wrong. Everything was A-OK. Hurray! After my 60th doctors appointment, and a 3-hour gallbladder scan/colonoscopy scheduled, I called my Dad. Dad is like my Tony Robbins and Yoda all rolled into one. I decided to mentally make myself better about things and in his words "stop pitching a tent and camping on my problems." Happy to report, I still eat loads of spicy foods and I have felt tremendously better lately. Canceled the colonoscopy, thanks.
3.) Mom's Day Out is back in session and saving my life twice a week.
We've got a full year ahead of us and that means I've got time to blog, fold Brian's clean underwear and catch up on old seasons of Friday Night Lights. We had a small issue with my no-napping child being in a NAP YOUR BRAINS OUT facility. I was getting calls to come and get him half the day and that just lit me up like a Christmas tree. Last week they began providing a no-nap room for that part of the day and it's like the angels played trumpets, the sky opened up and God hugged me himself. I'm loving our Fall routine and seeing the daily reports that come home with Nathan saying he pottied 74 times on the toilet.
So I'm ready to be back and in your arms again. No more reporting on colonoscopies. Promise.
Monday, June 30, 2014, 11:36 AM
I have now made Rogers, Arkansas the premier destination for your summer needs.
Sister Steph and her man hunk, Michael came to visit us this weekend. Since Steph was basically in the womb when I was in high school, getting married, making mortgage payments, it was nice to spend some time together and catch up after all these years.
First things first, we took them to Bentonville Square and we dined like Kings at Table Mesa, which Michael promptly informed us meant, TABLE TABLE. It was excellent, I had the margarita that dreams are made of, and the only way that we could keep Nathan in his child seat was by playing the mysterious game of "Finger In the Table Hole."
Then, through Nathan's growing communication skills, we learned that he thought there was a little boy trapped under the table and that was the little boy's finger he kept seeing, so we had to stop that game and cover the hole up with a cup of water.
After our din din, we crossed the street to be one with the soda shop again. After a Thanksgiving Mexican meal, we were all stuffed to the max. Brian ordered a single scoop, I ordered a small milk shake, so did Steph, Nathan got a cookie and Michael softly ordered the MOON-PIE-A-PALOOZA.
Then, when we got home and were getting out of the car, he whispered to me that he was lactose intolerant.
Oh, we also walked through the Wal-Mart museum. Or should I say, tip-toed.
Literally, all-day long this is how he walks. It better pay off and make him a rich Olympic sprinter who loves and cares for his mother financially.
Saturday morning, we woke up early and headed back to the wildlife safari/zoo/is this legal. This time, it wasn't straight down pouring. We did the walking part first, where Brian had some long talks with a lama and I pulled out my "Tina! Come get some HAM!" joke a few too many times. This time, we were invited into a cage by a young, shirtless teenage worker to play with the monkeys who were ready to chew our faces off. I couldn't believe this was allowed, so we enjoyed the monkeys close up, but behind a protective layer of fence. And we still have our original faces.
Then, we did the rest of the driving part, where Michael took pictures like this:
And I took pictures like this:
It just doesn't seem safe that you can get that close to wildlife. But I love it.
After all of that excitement, we took them to this new restaurant called Chipotle, where everyone ate without me as I waited for a family of 12 to use the one-person women's restroom because I wanted to wash my hands.
Later, we had the brilliant idea of driving to Chrystal Bridges, where Steph said she would photograph my model-like family. We got all dressed up, I straightened my hair, Brian wore shoes other than ones he mows the lawn in, and then it started monsooning right as we got into the entrance way. So, we made the best of it and actually looked at the art. Funny, I found one that accurately portrays what I think about at all times:
That evening, we grilled up steaks, twice bakes and fancy asparagus with sea salt. We also dominated on some Kinnect Fruit Ninja. Fun fact: Michael slices fruit palms up. I slice fruit and fart at the same time.
Sunday morning, Steph wasn't one of those guests that needed to leave at 5:30am, so we ventured out to the Ozark Botanical Garden to experience a feeling where I wanted to spend our life savings and retirement on flowering plants and also my body will expload if I don't get in some air conditioning.
Look, a giant cage made out of hair! I don't even care if it's weird, I want one.
I also had time to do some light reading with friends.
This picture was taken right before I asked the group if they wanted to walk the outer trail around the grounds and Michael screamed, "NO!"
I love my family so much and this was just another great visit. After the two love birds hit the road, we prepped for the final weekend activity: Nathan's first firework show. It was done by the world's gigantic church, I popped some popcorn, we laid on a blanket by the highway and he absolutely loved it. They were also performing live baptisms during the show.
Monday, June 23, 2014, 10:17 AM
Hello again, old friend.
We're in full-on, everyone-I-know-come-visit mode. It's great. All I have to do is change the sheets every hour. This past week, my sis-in-law, Jenny came with Miss Marlie for a week long happiness injection. It was like two life partners, toting their two kiddos around town every day.
Every morning, we'd get up, eat breakfast and do some patio playing in our jams. (The kids, not me and Jenny.) Here are Nathan and Marlie tracking down the ever-popular "beetle bug":
After it became so ungodly hot that our skin began to fall off, we headed inside for the day. Truly, it was nice to just have someone to do the every day with. We shopped a bit, splash-parked it a bit, and duh, I used Jenny's decorating super powers! Oh, we also made 15 new Pinterest desserts. An hour.
Our first idea was to spray paint an $11 oil drip pan from Wal-Mart. Bam, Nathan's got a magnet board for his artwork. Or, actually, a new pastime of carrying around 74 magnets at one time around the house.
Also, free-hand sketches, courtesy of Brian. I tried to draw Nathan an airplane upon request and it turned out looking like a ninja star weapon.
As if that didn't get your juices, going.. Jenny showed me the wonderment of thrift stores. Although, I'm not fond of buying peoples used bras, I did score some great toys for Naters and started grabbing plastic animals, because I've always had the dream of spray painting them for my pleasure. Add in an antique store find and some more spray paint and feast your eyes on my second child:
Still have to find some more animals, but I love having some more decorations in Nathan's play room. And if you don't like it, we can't be friends any more. I'm in a relationship with an animal menagerie.
After Jenny's dream visit, my parents came in to celebrate the third anniversary of my 30th birthday. I love having my parents here. Since my birthday was on a Sunday, and everyone but Nathan was leaving me, we did it up on Saturday. First, we ventured out to the paths at Crystal Bridges, where we attempted a hike in 190 degree sun:
Nevermind that I look like an older balding man who plays the saxophone regularly.
After that memory, we dined at Freddy's where I attempted to win the award, "Looks Most Like Vacuum While Eating Food". After that, it was back to Bentonville Square where we showed Mom and Dad the first Wal-Mart, and the Wal-Mart soda shop, beloved gem of America. It was here where I discovered that Dad only drinks things with two straws. Not one. Always two.
After we ingested more food into our bodies, we went home and Brian made a cake and we planned out where we were going to eat dinner. It's what Halls do best. In case you're on the edge of your seat, it was On the Border. After that we walked around the neighborhood to see all the new houses being built. Nathan demanded to wear this hat for the walk and the rest of his life:
It was a wonderful birthday, wherein, I got an outdoor rug for our heavenly patio, a new necklace and a puzzle ball from my Dad. Leave it up to Johnny Boy. I also stopped at Wal-Mart last night and saw a man who had fallen asleep in his 5,000 year old pick-up truck with the door open. I watched him for 10 minutes.
Monday, June 9, 2014, 10:06 AM
It's been an exciting week around here.
Last week, Brian and I celebrated our 9-year wedding anniversary. We ventured out to play 18 holes of mini golf in the hot sun. I CREAMED Brian and there were people waiting at the final hole to interview me from Sports Illustrated.
After total domination, we hopped on the highway to dine at James at the Mill. In Johnson, AR, lies a little working mill with an inn and this restaurant. It was so special. So special, we decided to order this:
No, that is not live man meat. It was the recommended andouille sausage in corn dog breading with home made sauces and relish. It changed our lives. Brian is included in the picture because I like to embarrass him.
We got to talk about real adult things, like how every groomsmen had diarrhea the morning of our wedding. For dinner I ordered a steak that I wanted to rub all over my face.
After dining at the mill, we went home to normal bedtime routines (which include me offering my child large sums of money in exchange for sleep) and then we dined on gas station ice cream (you heard me) and exchanged presents.
I received some gorgeous flowers:
Which is funny, because I presented Brian with his own man bouquet:
Anniversaries are the best.
This weekend, we had Holly, William Livingston and Jonah in town. I want them to move here. We started out by literally having them get out of their car and into a fried chicken restaurant. This place was called the Mont Ne Inn. I had been hearing that it was famous, so I called for a weekend reservation (only way to get in there) and we were set.
To say this place was my heaven, would be an understatement. I want to live in the back room, in a cot, and eat the fried chicken every hour on the hour. When you sit down, they immediately try to confuse you and serve you this pot of bean soup. UH-UH.
But we obliged and tried it. Decent, but who wants to load up on bean soup? Nathan, in the meantime had about 48 packs of saltine crackers. Next up, they brought in the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, hot bread, coleslaw and gravy. It was like Christmas and you kept getting presents.
I didn't really stop to take pictures because I was inhaling. If all that didn't absolutely make you want to marry the restaurant, then get ready. No one wanted dessert except for me (naturally), so I became the "fat person" and ordered a slice of their cheesecake. MY ONLY REGRET WAS NOT PROPOSING MARRIAGE TO THAT CHEESECAKE. Hands down, best ever. Homemade and thick and come visit me right now so we can go again.
Sunday, we decided to experience a drive-thru safari that we had heard a lot about. It was AMAZING. And I don't know how it is legal or passes health inspections. Nevertheless, first we did the out-of-car exhibits, where we were walking around a pen with, oh I don't know, LIVE kangaroos. Like a lot of them. I could have rode them, but instead chose to huddle by an overturned picnic table and say a prayer for safety. Literally every animal you could think of was there. I also had a large goat run up to me and climb up my leg. For a second, I thought of those late night commercials advertising the videos for "When Good Animals Go Bad".
I mean, when's the last time you could say you've put your head in a giraffe's mouth?
Then, because it was a literal straight downpour, we decided to not get pneumonia, and get in the car for the driving portion.
If you like this deer, there were millions of them. Very close to your car and ready to break through your windshield.
Also, there were Yaks, hippos, lions, zebras, tigers, bears, monkeys, and these guys:
I guess they are Emus. And they were EVERYWHERE. And they'd creepily pop up right by your window and look in and around to see how many people they need to infect after they crawl in through your sun roof.
After that adventure, we toured around NWA some more and enjoyed each others company. In the form of a home made steak and shrimp dinner on the BBQ. God I love food.
Monday, June 2, 2014, 10:10 AM
Is there anybody out there?
I'm blogging again because this happened today:
Big man on campus. I cried more than he did, which was not at all. I felt like when I was walking him up to his classroom, there was a lady that took Nathan into the room, and another one who sawed off both of my arms with a chainsaw. Don't tell anyone that I cried for 30 minutes in the church parking lot before leaving.
So what's been going on? Oh, just that our family has had SARS for an entire month? Stop messing with us, Arkansas. We're ready to be healthy and sleep until 9am and stop watching Frozen 400 times an hour. I think we've kicked it. I've never been so excited to do normal things like, wash my whites and put on a bra.
During the time when I was down with the sickness, my two best friends came to visit me and Arkansas.
As they were impressed with our small airport, I knew the trip would be a great one (who can resist the life-size chessboard in the terminal). On Friday night, we ventured out to Tusk and Trotter where I introduced them to the chicken and waffles. As we all put our plates in the middle of the table to take a picture, I heard Montell Jordan sing "This is how we doooooo it..." Despite the fact that I sounded like I should have been admitted to a hospital, we went home, lathered ourselves up with the animal cracker dip I made and tried to get Steph to show us her C-section scar.
Saturday morning, we hit the dusty trail with Eureka Springs as our goal. Quickly, the views were so awesome that they made Steph try to vomit in Brian's work car.
We shopped around, Melissa bought your token balloon animal sculpture, and we routinely pointed out every cat/horse item available for Steph to purchase. The little town is adorable. Street music, shopping, and maybe a few thousand bikers.
We stopped at a hotel that was recommended (turned down the burlesque lunch theater one) for lunch and I scarfed down a delish chicken salad croissant. This was on their menu. It was NOT, how I ate my chicken salad croissant.
I did get us all a pretty sweet 10% discount because I knew the scream-o band that was tattooed on our 15-year olds arm. Yep, I've still got it.
After touring the town in full jeans and a long sleeve shirt while it was 195 degrees, we jumped back in the car because we had a date with Jesus.
Yes, that is the largest JC in the nation. Absolutely breathtaking. We did NOT stay for the passion play.
Sunday, we got our shop on. First, we dined at the Press Room, to get some fuel for Melissa's massive toilet explosion, later. Then I took the ladies for a little Wal-Mart soda shop action before hitting TRUE TREASURES.
Everything was so cheap that they were basically already pre-loading it in your car while you were shopping. I found an awesome paint-by-number picture that has changed Brian's life, forever.
Throw in some great life discussions, why is my toddler screaming at 1am discussions and some chocolate cake, and that was our weekend. I love these girls so much and I'm thankful I could show them the Natural State. And that security let Melissa carry a large "ladies with surfboards" canvas back with her on the plane to Chicago.